Been through the whole myriad of emotions that came along with it.
The butterflies in your stomach whenever you're meeting him soon, knowing you'll meet him soon. Gushing about how good looking he is, and that indeed, he thinks you look pretty yourself. Just wondering, how in the world you got such a great catch. Knowing he likes you and you like him back.
The end of the honeymoon period. When reality sets in, when you see the real person, his antics, his interests/his passion (other than you of course), his dislikes, etc. Jealousy also comes in during this phase too. When you feel you have a certain right and that he belongs to you. No- other-girl-better-not-dare-to-be-funny-with-him phase. When you learn that there's more to him than the handsome face, such as his amazing brains for eg.
The next phase would probably be when you realise you're really in love with this person. Memorise the way he smiles, laughs and how his hand feels on your hand, etc. How he somehow always never fail to make you smile, make your day. How he fits in your life so good and how his support, comments and feelings mean a whole damn lot to you. At this phase too, that certain amount of possessive-ness continues.
Some months lead into some years, and by now, you've grown accustomed to each other. Grown into each other's company, companionship. You both co-exist. There is no him without you and vice-versa. You attend bbqs, friends' gathering, together. You can say, 'Buy 1 get 1 free'. In this phase, couples tend to take each other for granted, some get bored with the other, some fail to see how much the other is working to make it work. In the process too, as they go along the years together, some try to change the other. They forgot, Love is about accepting, not changing. Some fall out of love altogether. Some just feel that they've seen what's there to be seen. That the chemistry is lost, the love died. Some find new loves, (with other people; cheating). For some, the environment changed, changes in their routine and life makes them ponder if the relationship is worth continuing. Or even worse, some just go on with the relationship, not realising that love has changed to companionship/friendship. Some hang on/cling on because they're afraid of being alone. Many things can happen in this phase. In this phase, you either stick on or get out. But for some, the lucky some, this phase means, greater loving, greater understanding and acceptance, moulding themselves into better people made for loving the other. Some decide to get engaged, some to marry, some save to marry. Either way, they grow more in love with each other, committed to make it work.
For the lucky few, after marriage will be a whole different ball game. Don't have much to say about marriage except I'm not ready! Haha!
As for the not so lucky many, whose relationships didn't manage to pull through, you go through another phase called the Getting-over-It phase. This I've been through and I can say a whole darn lot about it.
I'm not afraid to admit that reminders of the past do linger in my heart and mind. Those happy cherished memories. But memories, are only that. Memories. Till now, I could still cry about what I've lost; a great, true, first love. Just being reminded of how much I was loved and how much I loved. I know for sure that crying over the past, does not mean that I'm not rising from the past. But sometimes, we need to cry to be stronger. I guess we are in a generation when crying is unacceptable. You're only allowed to cry after a certain period, anything after that period, you're done for, a total cry-baby. Crying does not mean we're weak, it means we're vulnerable at that point of time, opening our hearts is one of the most courageous thing a human can do.
To not feel, is inhumane.
At this point of time, I know I'm getting stronger by the day. Time heals all wounds because we grow to learn managing-mechanisms aka coping with heartpain mechanisms (not listening to the song you both use to, not messaging/chatting with him for some time, etc). Yes of course, singlehood makes one lonely. But for each lonely day, I just think to myself that I thank God, it ended. He's bringing me closer to my next love, hopefully, my life partner. I do wish to be in love now, to get that rush of feeling once more, to have someone I can depend on, love again and be loved.
But till the right guy comes along, I'm happy with friends and family. Without them, I don't know how the heck I could have survived last year. I thank God for them and for what has happened, because God loves me. I'm blessed.
To him, I wish him all the best. We both deserve to be happy with other people, whoever that may be. I had truly loved him and I thank him from the bottom of my heart, for shaping me to where I was. Thank him for loving me, supporting me, the way he did. I could have never asked for a better bf. Yes, Mun, like you said, for moments like this, some people wait forever. We didn't last forever but I didn't have to wait forever for moments we shared. Thank you for everything.
life 4:50 PM
Writer
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Lemme think... Jack of all trades, Master of None
Frank
Loyal
Family first!
Can't separate me from StarBucks!
Verbal!
